Welcome to my playroom! The following stuff contains my Soundraq, the
various music projects I have created /are creating. Hymns of the
Beautiful Hope, Worm as I (which is deconstructed from the same hymns),
and Songs from the Wedding, and are projects that my wife actually played
the music, and I arranged (or in the case of WAI, de-arranged). The
Overdrive CD is an old metal band I used to belong to in the late 80s, early
90s.
stylistically, the music is a mixtureof styles.
Hymns of the Beautiful Hope - adult contemporary instrumental variation on
Hymn Favorites
Reflections upon This Brief Encounter - Ambient soundtrack music
21 Variation on Pachelbel's Canon in D - various interpretations of Canon in
D, including waltz, celtic, pop, minor key, 5/4, etc
Worm As I - an experiment in chaos using the music from Hymns of the
Beautiful Hope
And Now to Sum Things Completely Different - an experimental electronic rock
album with lyrics about physics, philosophy, pop culture, etc
Deception - electronic new wave. This is the one and only studio album
I have listed here besides the Overdrive album - hence why it only has 9
songs.
Songs from the Wedding - adult contemporary CCM instrumentals.
unreleased as an album, these are the songs that my wife and I arranged for
our wedding.
Overdrive - an old metal band I was in. a fuller story can be found on
the Myspace page.
The name Carpets and Dolphins comes from the mispronunciations of our last names from the preschool children where my wife taught for several years. I am actually an experimental programmer and these are the pieces that I used to create an industrial project called Worm as I (under the name phloide). Being that my wife actually reads music (plays organ, Piano, guitar, etc - I play by theory and ear - Bass and Piano ), she played the songs, while I arranged, embellished, contorted, etc. We hope you enjoy.
Butterfly wings and Dragon dreams surround the ascent we call life. This album is about that journey. It’s not an instrumental album; it’s a soundtrack for you to sing your song, to express your own heart
The album cover is a 4D picture of my son, Matthew. His baby cry can also be heard on the album And Now To Sum Things Completely Different
The reason I put the entire album on in reverse is that I enjoy the mental excersize of listening to things in reverse. Call it a quirk, but I enjoy the ambiance it creates
A re-make of Under the Bridge overlaced with
Piano man
Painted wings & giant rings
Canon in D variation #23
a variation over laced with Puff the Magic Dragon
The Secrets of Our Mountain
Canon in D variation #22
a variation over laced with One Tin Soldier
For the Water
Canon in D variation #26
a variation over As the Deer and Seek Ye First
Hearts of Fire
Canon in D variation #24
a variation over laced with To Obey is better
than sacrifice
In My Life
Canon in D variation #25
a variation over laced with In My Life, Lord
21+ Inventions on Pachelbel's Canon in D-
This Album came out of a love for Pachelbel's Canon in D Major (aka Kanon und Gigue in D-Dur für drei Violinen und Basso Continuo, aka Canon and Gigue in D major for three Violins with Bass Acompanyment), and a love for a unique mixture of sounds and styles. Multiple Time signatures were incorporated, as well as a plethora of Modes, genres, rhythms, and instruments.
addtional variations have come about, and they are below.
These hymns were originally programmed by my wife, but I had the urge to do an album that was very chaotic. A lot of the inspiration from it came from experimenting with some stuff from a friend of mine who goes by the name of RivotRich7
It is blender time! If you were to take the framework of many of the popular hymns of the evangelical church over the past two centuries and mix an industrial bed of chaos beneath it, you would be close in breathing in Phloide.com.
I love the industrial-laden music that has come through the pipe from Circle Of Dust, Generation, and some of the elements of Klank. I even enjoy some of the techno-trance music that has passed through the underground.
“Worm As I” is a whole other animal to me. Some might consider taking the hymns and experimenting with them somewhat “sac religious,” going so far as putting a veritable bed of nails under it all, but this is creativity at its finest.
To the casual listener, this can sound redundant at times. You have to treat this deeper than background music to gain appreciation for the thought put into it. This won’t be for everyone, but this emanates independent and underground.
At points, while listening several times to this, I could hear resolution in a musical sense.
Growing up with the hymns, I basically have all of these committed to memory. I hear elements of the lyrics, at times, even resolve. Thank the Lord that we have, as his creation, been given the ability to create music, no matter how diverse or weird it may sound to some. Experimentation can be a beautiful thing, if taken with a bed of nails.
Yes, the name is a take off on the Monty Python Movie. The baby crying at the beginning are the cries of my newborn son when he was only about 4 months old...
Not sure how many have heard of Phloide.com and the Micronauts, but if you have not heard their sound yet, then you are really missing out on some amazing sounding original, beautifully complex, and deeply thought provoking underground Christian music!
Perhaps you have heard of the blazing guitars and fast beats of the Christian classic 80's metal band "Overdrive", or the soothing classical electronica sounds of ”21 Inventions in Pachelbel’s Cannon in D". While both of these other 2 projects are most excellent sounding and very well produced within their quite different sounding genres, they do have one thing in common. That is the involvement of Phloide.com's sole musician and producer; Joe McLaughlin. In Phloide.com you can hear the influences of Mr. McLaughlin’s solid rhythms, bass grooves, and alternative/new wave keyboard sounds from Overdrive (and earlier related projects), as well as a plethora of beautifully woven textured piano, organ, and synthesizer melody lines, closely resembling 21 Inventions in Pachelbel. Yet even with these strong and diverse influences, Phloide.com delivers a complex and skillfully woven hard driving sound all its own, which I would loosely describe as most closely resembling industrial/gothic hard rock.
"Now to Sum Things" released in 2006 is the second album from the Phloide.com project, featuring a generally similar (but perhaps a bit edgier) sound compared to its predecessor 2002 Album "Deception" made by "Phloide.com and the Garden Gnome Liberation Front". On Phloide's "Now to Sum Things", some songs such as "Danny's Magic Cellphone", "Ride of a lifetime"" and "Yertle and Bartholomew" definitely lean towards the edgy hard driving industrial rock end of the musical spectrum. Others such as "Zillion Faces", "Pint of Dark Matter", and "Sum of All Things" feature more of a melancholy gothic sound. Other Tracks such as "Schrödinger’s Kitty", "Ahab's Bee of Death", "The Great Opaque Divide" and instrumentals "Dancing upon the Ephemeron" and "Cheese" feature a diverse mix of edgy alternative rock beats, distorted guitar and bass sounds, and dark or sometimes whimsical sounding synthesizer melody lines. "Birdies Bouncing Off Windows" is quite humorous and deeply melancholy and though provoking all at the same time. All songs feature a very distinctive sounding electronically processed vocal delivery which blends in well with the mood of the songs, and adds to the album's edgy and unique alternative/industrial musical appeal...
The written content of the songs is perhaps the most amazing aspect of Phloide's "Now for Sum Thing" album and is persistently humorous and deeply thought provoking throughout. If you are a fan of British Humor, Dr. Seuss, or nursery rhymes (or all of the above) you are really in for a treat as the writing of the songs is riddled with humorous references to the likes of Monty Python, Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, Spinal Tap, Yertle the turtle, Fox in Socks, Horton the Who, Peter Rabbit, the Cheshire Cat, Charlotte’s web, Mother Goose, Goldilocks, and even H.R. Pufnstuf. I can also detect some subtle tips of the hat to great classical rock musicians such as Pink Floyd, the Eagles, Jimmi Hendrix and Rush. The lyric sheet is quite extensive and thorough with the lyrical imagery delivered in mostly a poetic or metaphorical style. The written content of the deeply thought out song lyrics are guaranteed to tickle your brain and challenge your thoughts in the subjects of the validity of the theory of evolution and some aspects of quantum physics, mankind's treatment of his fellow man, and the significance of One's life and search for meaning in God's Creation and Universe. At least these are some of my interpretations so far of the album's lyrical content and deep meanings, and you are likely to come away with your own unique interpretations of the meanings of the songs as you embark upon the adventure of exploring this great album.
As far as musical comparison, I cannot think of any direct musical comparisons for this album, but the innovative and creative edgy alternative rock sounds and conceptual approach of this album remind me quite a bit of Scattered Few's "Sin Disease" and Lifesavers Underground's (L.S.U.'s) "The Grape Prophet".
In conclusion, Phloide.com and the Micronauts "And now to Sum Things Completely Different" is a brilliantly written collection of skillfully crafted fresh and innovative underground rock sounds that is sure to appeal to fans of Christian Industrial, Gothic, and Alternative Rock alike.
1) Zillion Faces
I hears a zillion voices crying out for meaning
and I swears they sounds a lot like me
I sees a zillion faces that yearn for the notion of being and I swears they looks a lot like me
2) I Went on a Ride
I went on a ride In the great space coaster
With Tinky Winky And his brave little toaster.
He said No it don’t cook the custard even
But while others go to 10 This one goes to 11
We went to the restaurant
At the end of the universe
and he read to me from the reading rainbow connection
Verse by verse by verse
What’s your Name
What’s your quest
What’s your favorite color
come and take a look into my magic mirror
You can stay if you brought your towel
But please don’t call me Barney
Strange is our Situation here upon the earth
Stranger still the longing of our soul
Better to light a candle than to curse the darkness
Yet we all want someone to say well done.
I went to a BBQ and what did I see
HR Pufnstuff coming after me
He said we have an interview with the new zoo review
With Dr. Horton the Who, Winnie the Pooh, and The Buggaloos
There is no reason to get excited, HR kindly spoke
There are many among us Who think life is but a syndicated show
What’s your Name
What’s your quest
What’s your favorite color
come and take a look into my magic mirror
You can stay if you brought your towel
But please don’t call me Barney
Strange is our Situation here upon the earth
Stranger still the longing of our soul
Better to light a candle than to curse the darkness
Yet we all want someone to say well done.
So I said to the Captain Please bring me my Chocolate
Dan said we haven’t had that Box here Since Frank Farion forgot my number
When I close my eyes at the end of the session
Will the answer be forty-two guess it pends on the question.
3) Danny’s Magick Cellphone
Wouldn’t it be neat if the moon was made of green cheese
And the earth was a bagel
Then God could have breakfast on the way to work
And heat His coffee on the sun
Oh Danny boy the pipes are calling
From glen to mountain side
its been a thousand two hundred and ninety days
and your dinosaurs have all died
Life was so much simpler
before we killed the man on the moon
the pleasures of life much sweeter
before the plate divorced the spoon
Put down your cell phone
Put on your shades
Roll down your window
Take a look around before the ambiance fades
one thousand three hundred and thirty five days
since we drank to our surmise
I still can’t read the Writing on the wall
must be the clouds in my eyes
We have slaughtered all the unicorns
and caged up all the dragons
is there anyone remaining who'll have a drink
with me and Bilbo Baggins
Put on your big hat
put down your PDA
time is sipping cider from an hour glass
as Lucy’s selling wisdom for the price of lemonade
As Danny’s dinosaur takes a bow
before he slips into his enclave
now just a star in the face of the sky
no time to see him wave
when swimming in the tapestry
of a rich man’s kingdom
never forget the simple smile
of a clown who loves to dance
put on your trench coat
Put away your aftershave
don’t forget your goulashes
come and join the masquerade as we serenade home
jump back patty whack
give a Danny his bone
and when this mortal flesh shall fail
I will leave a light on
4) Birdies Bouncing Off Windows
I see birdies bouncing off windows
Simply because they don’t believe they are there
There are no second chances
Their bodies are broken by the choices they have made
And goliath comes,
and he swallows them down and he smiles
Cuz you know he thinks it’s a game,
doggy snacks from heaven
And fate laughs
as she lays down her final hand
And we turn our heads as we wonder
if the gamble was worth the price we paid
5) Cheese
-with apologies to Dave Matthews
There are hundreds of thousands of things you can eat that are not cheese
6) Yertle & Batholomew
Yertle and Bartholomew
sitting with in the vestibule
searching for exotic tools
to computate the Golden rule
If Bartholomew had 500 hats
He would want 500 more
his cracked emphatic intellect
cannot keep objective score
He would not clock it in a box
he could not with a fox in socks
it’s safe behind his mental blocks
locked his rocks from Goldilox
fixation stirred
with whey and curds
is symbiosis
with social thrombosis
his pretense
builds his defense
rational internal splicing
spoils our fare with over-spicing
don’t let our need for reason
blemish the dance
don’t let our want for bits & portion
taint the romance
Yertle says that what I do
the limbic system tells me to
I’ve drank the wishy-washy brew
and never tasted anything new
Over the hill and through the woods
the wolf is surely waiting
dilapidated vigor the caveat
yertle van turtle still wants to be king
Synchronic allure
cannot confer
his pending diagnosis
of his apotheosis,
he gathers reference
without preference
incoherent cognant pricing
taste it once again this time with icing
don’t let our need for reason
blemish the dance
don’t let our want for bits and portion
taint the romance
bitter tasting weed and brine
oft mistaken for bread and wine
from the start to finish line
we are more than our design
7) Schrödinger’s Kitty (Strings)
This is my corrugated ditty
about a pitiable little kitty
Dissipating in a chromodynamic shroud
when along came a spider
upon the supercollider
to derail his fractal cloud
she said my name is charlotte
as she weaves her scarlet
I have come to entwine your reactor
he said kitties like me need no name
we have no claim to fame
but my imaginary friends like to call me factor
web-weaver web weaver weave me a web
where love and suffering and visions wed
Where wind and soil share the wine and the bread
where father time has his fortune read
I have sipped from the chalice
Threaded yarn through the palace
acquire designed, of life defined,
watching time cast silhouettes
I have treaded down the random walk
twist the hands of the clock
bake a mistake, my cake to partake,
I still have my XFL season tickets
She listens to the tune
that gently fumes
from the strings of factor’s fiddle
with a song no one wrote
he misses not one note
not one yod or one tittle
she told of her bought with the water spout
and the clout that washed her spirit out
how all the kings men and all the kings horses
could not dry her doubt
but the sun did return
between the drenched and the burn
she found a route through the drought,
her serenity to yearn
my children dropped their guitars,
& return to mars
to discover their worth in vittles
Now they talk about mom’s piggy,
and their old friend Ziggy
watching battlefield earth and eating skittles
they step into the room
weave the strings upon the loom
making garments to embellish their attire
as the strings become the noose
that asphyxiate the truths
They have basted upon the fire
Tachyons dance
in this hyper luminal romance
with a hey diddle diddle, we fade from the middle of the spindle
The strings vigorously unwind
as he smiles at his Cheshire design
the line between the bronze and the brittle
the kitty in his cradle
spins his fractured dreidel
trying to win another silver spoon
just a loan from the unknown
what’s intricately been sewn
between splendid, extraordinary and Picayune
yet the resolutions we swallow
are like the intuitions we borrow
no one can taste our curds and whey
through all said and done
we dance upon the ephemeron
and feast from a tailored buffet
web weaver web weaver spin me my fate
the late cant implicate, nor detractors debate
estate calls to estate, and time wont wait at the gate
there are plates I’d rather not ornate
8) Pint of Dark matter
Crack the quasar over the skillet
scramble it up with some eggs and wine
Take a pint or two of dark matter
season it with rosemary sage and Thyme
the handmaids have offered us a piece of bread
are we nothing further than transmographied stardust
simple amalgamations of lime soda and floor crust
are we strange and are we charmed
have we abandoned the haven of old McDonalds farm
nothing more than supplementary quirks in space time
progressive impediments of intention and rhyme
the handmaids have offered us a cup of wine
are we nothing further than transmographied stardust
simple amalgamations of lime soda and floor crust
9) Ahab’s Bee of Death
yesterday I got stung to death
by an itty bitty bee
and it hurt oh so bad
made me sad,
why oh why,
made me cry
I don’t wanna wanna die
hurt so bad
made me sad
no, not glad
made me mad
then it stung me to death again
but it didn’t hurt
quite as bad, but it still
made me cry
why o why
all the pain
in my brain
falls like rain
leaves a stain
from the strain
hurt so bad
still kinda sad
still not glad
made me mad
Ahab calls us to join him
to slay the mighty beast
but in our lust for revenge
we soon become the feast
Then it stung me to death again
for a third time
feeling kinda numb, feeling fine and appeased
the touch of the bees
its my thing
the caress of the sting
bees my friend
don’t wanna end
don’t hurt so bad,
kinda glad
I like being sad
I enjoy being mad
Then with one
one more sting
I couldn’t live
without the zesty sting
oh the joy
the sting brings
numb the pain
what shall I ever gain
from the stain
in my brain
it don’t hurt at all
like shopping at the mall
the writings on the wall
I’ve become so small
What do we gain
when Cain offers grain
upon the alter of
distain and despair,
our rage cannot repair
the shoes we wear
Ahab calls us to join him
to slay the mighty beast
but in our lust for revenge
we soon become the feast
10) Dancing upon the Ephemeron
11) The Great Opaque divide
Betty Jo Jingle and Bobby Jangle
come from the world at a different angle
and found themselves in forbidden romance
in a land where Razzleflabbenz never dare to dance
Betty’s hair was fuchsia
Bobby’s hair was chartreuse
Betty’s tail was acute
Bobby’s tail was obtuse
For the field of Loshon Hora
an orthogonal wall grew between the shades
myths and legends brewed the stew
lost in analysis, brotherhood unglued
Betty Jo cried “If we left all the primary colors pure
never have all the beautiful shades of fur
let the Shades of fur start to blur
I must confer, to be assure”
Bobby replied “Then fill up the glasses as quick as you can,
And sprinkle the table with buttons and bran
And this same hair that smiles today
tomorrow I’ll be dyeing. “
for Bobby and Betty Jo’s love implied
the disengagement of the opaque divide
maybe somewhere they forgot to give ponderance
why it had to be this way
There is unrest in the meadow
There is trouble the in glade
we could become equal
with trimmer, sheers, and blade
Would noone truly hate
if we all epilate
or would this end in futility
until we learn to accept the potpourri
we don’t need pathogenic ocular dissonance
we don’t need to abandon our inheritance
we just need to learn to dance
and stop romancing irrelevance
They, hand in hand,
with wandering steps and slow,
Search for the where the sidewalk ends
and where the Giving Tree grows
And while all is said and done
let us unspin walls undone
and let the path be run
run with unity love and absolution
12) Sum of All Things
It was mid Octember when we got the news
it was late Febrilary when it came to pass
now the first of Janutober
and still many questions unasked
Old Saint Nick sips his last coke
silly Samhain tells his final joke
and Peter Rabbit has gone his way to greener fields
Some come to unremember
Some come to unregret
here at the House mother goose has built
Danny’s dinosaur finally has come home
folly once scorned
over popcorn
as we charade across the stage
now we take a bow
as we are known as we are now
here at the sum of all things
This is the only studio album I have available outside of the Overdrive stuff that was done in an actual studio.
The song "When I Woke Up" is based on an actual event, where I used to suffer from severe morning headaches. At the time, I thought it was caused by sinus pressure, but I later discovered that it was actually caused by bruising from some pretty fierce snoring. Thinking it was caused by sinus pressure, I used to take some sinus medicine before I went to sleep when I could tell I would wake up with a headache (I would feel a "stuffiness" in my head), and discovered that it prevented me from having morning headaches (the "fierce" snoring is caused by malformed sinuses and allergies). Well, one night, I could feel my "morning headache" symptoms, but decided that I didn't want to take anything to prevent it, and started making a lot of reasons for not taking anything. When I woke up, I felt as though Death was sitting on my head and beating me senseless.
Both Deception and Ancient Pages are poems from a buddy of mine named Scott Cooper. I stole them from my computer that he used to use to write them when we were roommates.
The whole RazzleFlabbenz thing comes from my love of Jungle Jam stuff. I know its kids stuff, but it also has some Pythonish stuff in it, which I really enjoy.
Song Lyrics:
1. The Plaid RazzleFlabbenz Searches For His Tune
(Instrumental)
2. When I woke up
-based on a true story
One night I went to bed with a sinus headache on my mind
Thought I need no medicine, I do it all the time
So I went to bed with a sinus headache on my mind
I told myself in the morning, ya know, I’ll feel fine
Its just one of those things, no reason no rhyme
Just the kind of sign we kinda leave behind
I lay my scars all in a line, dream of bread and wine
To leave behind, ignore the sign, no reason no rhyme, do it all the time
When I woke up in the morning.
Felt like Hell
Sometimes I can’t see the sun at night
Because the world gets in the way
Sometimes I can’t see the sun in the rain
Because the clouds get in the way
Sometimes I can’t see the sun when I cry
Because my tears get in the way
And sometimes I can’t see the sun
Simply because I’ve closed my eyes
When I woke up in the morning…
It seems that anyone
Can make their plan
But we all must answer
For how we play our tune
3. Deception
(Lyrics by Scott Cooper)
Deception is a funny game; One can't see every move she make
Slight of hand, tests of faith, Only she has got what it takes
Deception is a lovely game; She knows all the right words to say
Soothing of soul, lifting of hearts, Come along she's looking to play
Deception is a beautiful game; Covering flaws with mask and paint
Sight to be hold, loveliest saint; Hiding her claws from the faint
Deception is a crafty game; A puppeteer for the dying masses
Pulling the strings, selling the lives, Twisting truth to divide the classes
Deception is a brutal game; Talons of steel piercing lost souls
Lying so well, freely she speaks, Love of flesh burning like fiery coals
Deception is a deadly game; Her victims die from wounds unseen
Eating them alive, killing from inside, They believed her whispers of being queen
4. My Old Friend
My dear old friend, oh how I remember
The look in your eyes as we shared our lives
We shared the laughter, we shared the pain
We wiped each others tears and held each other tightly to comfort our fears
On a road of comrades, crossing a bridge of love
Jumped/Dived into a river of passion and proceeded to drown
I will remember you, my old friend
I will remember you, my old friend
I still love you
Oh the price we paid for the fools we became
And the scars of a friendship that would never be the same
Remembering our dreams as they turned to nightmares
And crushed the visions from our eyes
As time moves on wounds mutantly mend
As we numb ourselves with stitches of steel
There are the wounds only God can heal
I pray that Lord will bless your journey
5. Dandelions in Bloom
Hey Mr. Ramapithicus
Come and have a drink with us
And let us discuss
The questions of the mind
Can all that we be
Simply existential anomalies
Does life sing just a Filler song,
Between the primordial and the grave
As I walk down Mulberry St.
Looking at all the people I meet
Searching for dandelions in Bloom
Like the tantric senses that stir my thoughts
Are our dreams nothing more than chemically wrought
And our breath nothing more than Empirical dust in June
Hey Mr. Ramapithicus
Come and join us on the bus
As we travel to what once was
In relative time
Is 18 billion years
Long enough to create our hope, our fears, our dreams
Can the quantum matrix hold
The answer for the longing of our soul
As I walk down Mulberry St.
Looking at all the people I meet
Searching to find their tune
Like the supernova dust that has formed my eyes
Has The Maker woven a beautiful surprise
To cloak it inside a esoterical cocoon
So, Mr. Ramapithicus come play your tune
For you know that all too soon
The earth will call us all into her womb
But within this tailor-made tapestry
Is there a greater singularity
That even tomorrow can never consume
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